I had a kinda shitty night the other night.

You know what made it better?

Keira Knightley’s topless photos, obviously:

1. Click here for the OG version sans areola dots
2. That mouth thing she does never fails to make mine smile.

Actually, this image has been circulating since August, apparently. But it only more recently became even more popular – and more so because of the statement she was trying to make about Photoshop. Presumably the image got revived as Viccy’s Secret and some other companies are hopping on the au-natch bandwagon and letting the model ladies’ flaw flags fly in the final products. I say great, obviously. While we should all strive for our best in body fitness and brain fitness alike (because when you practice excellence in one area, it carries over to others), we don’t need some Platonic lie-ideal fibbing to us and making us feel like we can change our bone proportions if we work super duper hard.

Says Keira:

“I’ve had my body manipulated so many different times for so many different reasons, whether it’s paparazzi photographers or for film posters. That [shoot] was one of the ones where I said: ‘OK, I’m fine doing the topless shot so long as you don’t make them any bigger or retouch.’ Because it does feel important to say it really doesn’t matter what shape you are. I think women’s bodies are a battleground and photography is partly to blame.”

So, yeah. I’m on board with that.

And I get that you’re volunteering as tribute to example set for young girls about how “nobody naturally looks this way”. Selling the idea that shape and size doesn’t contribute to your value as a person because your body parts don’t define the whole shebang – is a great billboard to be, if you’re gonna be one.

But like… what about the size and shape of your other body parts?

Like your nose?

For me, personally, my desire for a nose job pretty much paralleled my desire for better boobs (starting at like, age ten). Why? Because when you’re a kid, all you know is what you see. And I’d see chicks with equally perkified sniffers and snacktrays gracing my screen. I love Knightley to bits. And I’m no example setter myself – I’d probably have gone full Zellweger by now if I’d had the funds. But if I am gonna listen to a celebrity who’s doing this as a greater-good message and not just a nude ruse to stay relevant, then what’s the message here? Are some body parts fair game? Only if I’m really really insecure? Is that the rule?

And FURTHERMORE, when it comes to my rights as a woman and what I want to do w-…Wait.

Wait.

I’m- I’m sorry. I’m forgetting what’s important here.

No further questions, your honor.

Let’s break for a brief rebreasts.

I mean recess.