I’ve got to get this off my chest even though I’ll be crucified for it.
Ugh…nevermind.
Wait! No. Nope. I’m just going to go ahead and say it: If David Arquette had hit the gym more and been offered the Noah/Notebook role back in his prime (instead of typecasting himself into doofy roles as in “Scream”), the wetties would have totally been over him instead.
Seriously, if you cleaned up Arquette and rewind him about ten or fifteen years, they really do look alike. He’s just more doughy and less James Dean-y than Gosling because that’s his thing. Why upgrade when it’s more work and the roles you play pay for you to be low maintenance anyway? But if he went all HAM at the gym, chiseled up, and did a few broody, silent, smirky passion-tense scenes that led to heated love-makery, you’d be all “Hey-girl“-ing up to Deputy Dewey instead.
If it weren’t for a few lucky roles (and great acting, obviously), zero shits would be given about Gosling, Gyllenhaal, and a ton of other doods who are schmexy because of how they come off in the roles they’ve played. I mean, look at how hot Joseph Gordon-Levitt got.
He nailed “500 Days of Summer” and all the promo dancing stuff that went with it; “Hesher” was kick ass; his “My Own Private Idaho”-esque flick “Mysterious Skin” and the character he played was a totally underrated brave role to take and mind-blow performance; and (Bruce Willis prosthetics aside), he really worked it in “Looper” (despite how bad of a movie it was and the fact that I felt like he was channeling a young Deniro more than a 20something Willis). But, yeah. Long way since “3rd Rock”. And as with anyone else, it’s an image. A crafted image. Same with Gosling.
“But no,” you say, “I’ve seen all his interviews and he’s so genuine and so wonderful in real life, too.”
Really? How about f*ck you? You don’t know any of those people in “real life”. He’s an actor. He acts on the screen and he acts in his interview, too. Why? Because he can and he’s really good at it. Protip: He gets paid money to “seem genuine” the same way I get paid to seem genuine when I’m at work giving out fake smiles. The difference is he’s good at it. In fact, that’s how he makes a living and why he has a wall of awards in his mansion home.
He might be nice in real life. He might. But (let’s actually pause, branch off, and reference all the Gosling-esque, on-a-pedestal, Greek Gods of the world – famous or not – who are more a potential “trophy” and less “boyfriend material”) until he takes you in for a few months as his new resident girlfriend, gets pubes in your soap and hair products, pisses on the toilet seat and floor, dutch ovens you in bed, surprises you by being a terrible lover, and suddenly stops being the silent sexy type by piping up obnoxiously about political shit over which you disagree, I don’t want to hear about it.
Someone’s initial attraction to you is all about image and how you carry yourself in public. After that, though, whatever’s behind that facade had better be strong enough to carry you when you let people peep behind the scenes.
xoxo
<3~A
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