Maria Shriver is the saddest woman on earth

If you read the Daily Mail enough, you’d think that Maria Shriver just walks around LA looking consistently stressed, depressed, or under duress.

They choose reaction shots of her face where you can see every single wrinkle or scar she’s had since birth.

And face it—it’s a story. When your husband has a kid with the fat maid—it’s stressful.

i will never not love this photo

But just look at the headlines:

Maria Shriver shows the strain!

will you little bastards shut up?

Devastated Maria Shriver!

maxi dress, maxi problems

Why so blue? Maria Shriver looks downbeat!

how many times do i have to tell you little cretins to just shut the hell up

Here’s an actual scoop:

Maria Shriver lives in my neighborhood. I see her out and about frequently.

And I’ve never seen her look glum, depressed, or downcast. Quite the opposite—she always looks happy, upbeat, and while she wears some unfortunate makeup (l’raccoon, the new eyeliner from Chanel), I’ve never seen so much as a hint of stress or a frown.

So unless she’s just on a Valium IV (unconfirmed), girl be smilin.

But let’s be honest, if you didn’t have to put up with Arnold’s azz anymore–you probably would be too.